2009 MTV Video Music Awards

It's been a few years since I have watched the MTV Music Awards in their entirety...

I remember a time when I actually know who the nominees were. But those times have passed and instead I was left with many unanswered questions. I am hoping you might be able to shed some light on a few of them for me...

1.- After all the promotion regarding the Michael Jackson tribute, what the hell was that?
It was like 3 minutes long! I liked it but it was too short.

2.- When did Madonna start making sense?
I don't know if I am the only one but I remember a time when Madonna was making woopie with everything/everyone in sight and rolling around on stage in a wedding dress and now she is coherent! Not only that, she does look more like an 'Esther' than a Madonna (In case you have a life, unlike me, Esther is Madonna's name in Kabbalah).

3.- Why is Kanye West such a douche and why do people keep inviting him to award shows? 
Seriously! At every awards show that this creep goes to he has to throw some sort of divalicious fit! I googled 'Kayne West awards outburst' and found like 6 or 7 different instances where he pulled some sort of sh*t like this. He pooped all over Taylor Swift's moment! I too think that Beyonce should have won but Taylor Swift won and I was excited for her. Then #1 Douche had to get his drunk a** on stage and ruin it for everybody!

Speaking of Beyonce, she is the subject of the next couple of questions. Pay special attention to #5 because I really need and answer!

4.- How many hours a day does Beyonce work out? 
 If I even attempted to do a single move from her performance I would pass out in pain on the spot! Note to self: Must start to think about going to the gym.

5.- What kind of tape /glue / staples does Beyonce use to keep her breasts in her leotard?
For Real! I need an answer! All I have to do is bend over when I am wearing a push-up and the girls spill out. Beyonce is shaking her whole body in every direction possible for about 10 minutes and her boobs didn't even look like they were trying to make a run for it.

6.- Why didn't we see Taylor Swift's mom kicking Kayne West's butt?
Anyone wells something like that with my daughter and you better believe I will land my butt in jail at least for attempted assault! I did read on Twitter that apparently Pink had to be physically restrained because she wanted to jump Kanye. I knew there was a reason I liked that girl.

7.- What is wrong with Lady Gaga?
I love her music. Whenever any of her songs comes up on the radio, I lose my mind. But in all seriousness, she scared the crap out of me today. What was with the blood and and red lace and the polar bear looking thingy one her face? Anyone?

Hope you ladies have some answers for me.
* Fotos from MTV.com