Expectations
Elizabeth Coplan posted 27 Dec 07
I never expected parenting to be this hard. How can I stop feeling resentment every time I deal with my child?
I never expected parenting to be this hard. How can I stop feeling resentment every time I deal with my child?
That is a really good questions, to which there is no really good answer.
For me, it simply took time.
When I finally got completely used to being a parent, the resentment started to fade. Until that point, I would get resentful when the demands of parenting infringed too much on my pre-mommy life. Now, with a baby and a six year old, I am rarely resentful.
However, I say rarely because it still creeps up on me at times. I find myself apologizing to my daughter for grumbling about slicing an apple for her when she asks me to. I have to breathe, relax my shoulders, and remind myself that it is not an unreasonable request, and that she is not responsible for the three million other demands I am facing at the moment.
I find that making time for yourself, away from your family, once a week helps a lot with resentment. Even if it only an hour with a coffee at your local bookstore, or a lunch with friends, having that time be a regularly scheduled thing may lessen your sense that parenthood has invaded your life.
Hope this helps a little, at the very least, you are not alone in your feelings of resentment.
Hi!
Yes, it's a very good question.
What helps me is remembering that it's not the child that is invading or taking over my life, but that I made the choice for motherhood.
When I feel resentment I'm not in the role of mother.
I need something. Either a hug, or a good talk with a grown-up, or something else.
I'm OK when I remember myself I'm a mom at that moment.
Being the other part in me will come later.
It helps to do things together with your child (when it's old enough), that way a stupid task is made into something in life I'm teaching the child.
Looking back...I didn't know very much about motherhood when I had the first two.
Being a mother takes so much... I'm used to it now. Some things are an automatism now.
It took time to learn that labelling my feelings in another way was a big help.
Instead of saying I was frustrated, I could say I was tired.
In a way it changed the experience and it enabled me to say to myself that I was not so tired I couldn't stand up to help for a moment. Or something like that.
But at times I'm just a normal human being, and resentment is one of the normal feelings we all have.
Hugs
Don't worry, things will get better eventually! Hang in there!
I think the main thing is to make time for yourself, even if it's only for an hour. Maybe you can find someone to watch your baby for you while you go out shopping, hang out at Starbucks, or see a movie. Some quality time with yourself can really help your mood!
I've been where you are when I had my first child. I went from working full-time in a job that I LOVE to being a SAHM. I resented my husband for being able to hang out with other adults at work while I stayed home with the baby. Looking back now, I'm grateful to have been there for all the milestones. I didn't miss a single one and I now know how lucky I was.
Take care!
Aloha ~ Kailani
An Island Life
An Island Review
Exactly how much resentment are you talking about. Is it "I really want to watch this movie please go to sleep" type. Or the "Your making my life misserable shut up your constant crying" kind of resentment.
If its' the first kind, I just take a deep breath, grumble to myself and remind myself that they're just babies and can't help it, as hard as that is sometimes.
If its the second, perhaps you need to talk to a councilor or at least a family member as it is a sign that you may have post-natal depression.
Don't feel bad or ashamed if it is, it happens to many women and does't make you a bad mother at all, just one that needs a little help to get the job done, and we all need that.
http://mabakersblog.blogspot
A food blog by a SAHM. Recipies with photos, and critque.
Okay just read your profile. Obviously not PND. 13 years delay? Nup.
Ignore me. ;p lol
http://mabakersblog.blogspot
A food blog by a SAHM. Recipies with photos, and critque.
I agree. You need to carve out time for yourself. Make sure you don't sacrifice too much of yourself for your children. Keep up with your interests and hobbies and relationships and exercise routine to make your life complete.
d sphinx
Actually, all new moms pass that stage but as time goes on, you will love being with your children rather than being out with friends. When they grow up and are old enough to be left on their own, you will find that you wouldn't want to leave them alone.It could turn around, it's them who wanted to be free from your constant attention and it would be you who'll be fighting to be on everything they do.
Elizabeth,
This is a reality. When your child comes into this world he/she is hardwired. My two boys are so different. My second boy is eight, and very sensitive and low energy. The first born is ten and he is very persistant and high energy. They love each other and have a lot of fun together but Oh,do they push each others buttons. I found the second child to be harder to deal with. He had so much anger. My first born had such energy and never slept.
Thank you for your link. Parenting is a very great blessing. All moms know the reality of it. I want to be the very best parent for my child and I want to understand them and benefit their early years by wisely guiding them.