race to gray
CK posted 28 weeks 5 days ago —
ONE still sees things very black/white. To her it’s either right or wrong.
I know the time is coming when it will all be about Gray. How quickly she can prove that what she did, or said, was somehow okay. Somehow within the boundaries of what was allowed. That it was a matter of interpretation and that I missed something.
I know it’s coming because Gray is a childhood art form.
One I took on as a personal challenge until I became an adult and realized that I was actually cheating myself and the people I loved. And that there was no one to make up the difference for me.
So now, as I watch her process and reason, I appreciate the way she sees things. And I work really hard to make sure that what I present her with is honest. Because I know at some point my honestly, especially regarding the little things, will make an impact on how she chooses to respond to things in her own life. Myself included.
And as I’m sure you know, it’s really hard not to lie to a kid.
Not in a mean way, but sometimes it’s hard to be entirely honest with a child when you know they won’t understand. (“Why don’t they have a home?”) Or when what you say will lead to a discussion that is beyond their comprehension. (“But if she died, then when will you die? And who will be my mommy then?”) Or you just want to get the hell out of the store without an unnecessary meltdown. (“But whyyyyyyyyy can’t I say that? It’s the truth. Daddy said we don’t wear clothes like that in public!”)
It has always been important to me not to lie to my kids. About anything. Sure I’ll word things in a way that an adult would know that I’m actually dodging her question or trying to change the subject, but when it comes down to it, I tell her the truth. (I’m not saying that I’ve never lied, Santa does visit our house, just that strive not to.)
Enter Gray.
ONE loves WordGirl. As an ex-PBS employee I celebrate that show with her because PBS is awesome. If you haven’t seen it, WordGirl is a superman-type show about a secret superhero 5th grader who uses advanced vocabulary words to save the world from evildoers misusing the English language. (Secretly set in Northern Virginia? Perhaps…)
Anyway, at the start of each episode Becky Botsworth (Clark Kent) realizes that something is amiss and has to distract those around her so they don’t notice her disappear to turn into:
The other day ONE was watching the show and called me into the room (yeah, yeah, I don’t watch TV with her. I’m one of those. I admit it, BACK OFF).
ONE: Mama? Is WordGirl a liar?
ME: (DAMN, I really need to watch these shows with her…) Why, Pea?
ONE: Well, it’s just that she told her parents that she was going to catch butterflies, but she wasn’t. She was going to turn into WordGirl. So she told them something so they’d believe her, but it wasn’t true. That makes her a liar, doesn’t it?
ME: Wow. Yes. You’re right, she is telling a lie.
ONE: Hmmmmm…
NOOOOOOOOOOOO PBS, how could you do this to me?
I know, I know.
1) She’s a little young for the show. 2) It’s the superhero dynamic. If WG didn’t do that, she’d be putting family in danger of being hurt by villains, or 3) her parents might fear for her safety and keep her in the house, thereby allowing villains to run free and do bad things to other innocent people.
But stripping all of that down to the black-and-white brain of a 4 year-old, WordGirl IS telling a lie.
Some might say a “white lie,” but regardless of the color, it’s still a lie.
So anyway, I bring this up because I’m curious about how other people handle this kind of situation.
Do you think it’s a relative issue? Is there really a sliding scale of lies? Or are white lies really just a gateway lie? Is a lie a lie? Or is it a sometimes lie? Am I blowing this out of proportion? (I’m not above admitting that.)
I know this is one of those judgmental-type topics, so please feel free to comment anonymously. (>>click here<< and scroll down to the bottom of the page for instructions on how to do that.)
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©2009 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and shame on you. I think you need to go back and re-read what you’re stealing.
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