performance review

CK posted 28 weeks 2 days ago —

So I’ve been a professional mom for about 4.5 years now. Some days I congratulate myself on landing this job, other times I wish they’d just fire my ass. And now that ONE is old enough to properly communicate (and spends her days pointing out the injustices of life), I felt it was the perfect time for a performance review.

On myself.

It’s important for a Type-A to know where she stands.

(Currently TWO can kiss off if she thinks she has a say. Until she stops shrieking in my ears as a form of communication and rolling away mid-diaper change, her opinion cannot be trusted. She’s lucky she’s still employed.)

My strengths: I love them. I looooove (and totally respect) their daddy. I’m consistent. I admit when I’m wrong and apologize. I encourage them to explore and try new things. I kick ass at story time. I’m protective, yet I don’t jump in to solve their problems. I let them make their own decisions without guilting them. (Go ahead, ask TWO how that sand tasted. She’ll tell you.)

My weaknesses: My patience reserve is at an all-time low. I get bored just thinking about how I’ll have to play with them; I’d rather space out in front of the computer. I still have the itch to multi-task, which used to be an asset but now only leads to less patience and more boredom. I still have an irrational fear of death; I hear a strange noise, either coming from my children, their room, or their general direction and I’m sure I’ll find them dead. I still get pissed when my firstborn wakes me up several times a night. Like last night. It will never be okay.

Where I see myself in 5 years: Still crazy in love with my husband, sterile, still the mother of (only) two and still writing. Pretty much exactly where I am now, just older. And sterile.

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Comments from my sometimes boss, sometimes co-worker and sometimes employee. (We’re still trying to nail down our job descriptions.)

What do you like that I do?

I like when you give me hugs and kisses. That makes me feel good. And I like when you put make-up on, I want to put make-up on. And you put some on me. You always come in my room before you go to bed just in case I sleep the wrong way you can fix me.

What do you wish I’d do more of?

Well, on hot days I wish you would take me and my sister to get ice cream more. And milkshakes. I wish you could color with me more. And that you’d pick the beads for me to put on my necklaces and bracelets when I make them.

What do you wish I’d stop doing?

I wish you’d stop giving me time-outs. And getting me in trouble. I wish you would stop writing for a long time and play with me and my sister instead. Because then we have to bring the toys by you and that makes you mad.

What else makes me mad or sad or angry?

When I hit my sister. Or when I throw a temper tantrum.

What makes me happy?

A picture I draw and a hug and a kiss. When I give you presents and flowers even though it’s not your birthday. (You’re not going to grow any bigger than you are now, right? Why?)

What do you think is most important to me?

Me and my sister and daddy and Maggie (our dog). That’s what I think.

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Rating: Satisfactory.

(Gotta work on the fact that I have no desire to improve my “playing” skills…)

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©2009 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and your ass will be next to face the review board.
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