On Entitlement
hbhome posted 27 weeks 3 days ago —
Yesterday morning, I lost my temper with my kids, sent them to their rooms, and then spent several hours pouting behind a locked door in my own room. My daughters’ crimes were varied and, if truth be told, not so extreme. It was the whining and complaining that finally sent me over the edge–and most of all, the sense of entitlement that pervades everything.
My oldest, Alexa, is thirteen and is home from sleep-away camp until second session. This was my idea. I had hoped that she would find enjoyment in swim team and family time at the beach (not to mention the cost savings in keeping her home for the first session.)
As we walked the fourth of July parade route in our beach vacation community, Alexa complained the parade was “not as fun as the way we celebrate fourth of July at camp” and begged to know when we were heading home and whether she could go to camp earlier than planned. My ten year old, Claire, fretted the heat, her empty belly (she had just had breakfast), and wondered aloud several times if we could go to the pool or out on the boat. My seven-year old, Jillian, was arm in arm with two girls from back home- one of which complained throughout the walk to me of “something sticky” in her shoe.
When we returned to the house, I lost it somewhere in between seeing the dirty breakfast dishes lined up on the counter and watching Claire, yet again, using my computer for her computer games instead of putting her clothes away as I had asked since the day before. The shriek that came out of me was subhuman and caught both me and my girls off guard. I sent the two older girls to their rooms and left Jillian with her father. Not unlike a thirteen year old myself, I slammed my bedroom door, locked it, and hid under the covers.
An hour after “the incident,” Alexa slipped a handwritten apology under my door acknowledging her bad behavior and begging my forgiveness for it, and for her “corny note.” (I love her ability to state the obvious.) But, by that time, I was well past anger and on my way to self-pity. “What had I done to deserve this? Hadn’t I given them so much? Why can’t they respect me? Am I not a person too?” At that, Michael took them out of the house for the rest of the afternoon.
I know I am not winning any parenting awards. We all seem to fall into the same parenting traps, making the mistakes of our parents despite our promises to ourselves that we will do better—and differently. My own mother was known to have a tantrum or two.
My girlfriend, Tammy, tells me my children are “some of the loveliest” she has ever seen. She is not wrong. I know my girls are sweet and generally well mannered (certainly with others).
I have seen my share of bratty kids and unkind children to know that my girls are good. But, they are not great. How can they be? Like many parents of our generation, we want our children to have everything, and I don’t just mean material things. We spend hours driving them to dance classes, theater workshops, and swim meets. Weekends are blocked off for their friends’ birthday parties, play dates, and more classes.
We give our children so much and we want them to appreciate it. But can we expect them to recognize the subtleties between being gracious in accepting all that they are given and having a sense of entitlement?
I hope that the answer is yes. But, as for me, I will need to find a better way to teach them than from behind the locked door of my own bedroom.
Great story, I can relate to all of that, especially the subhuman shriek, except I have 3 boys and not three girls. Everything else sounds very familiar! Love the corny note...my have never been that brave. They tend to run and hide. :)
Wow, I feel like I was reading about a day in my life. I have three boys and granted they are still only 2, 4, and 7 but still...there are those days that they are constantly at it. One time out after another and they don't get it. I've even gone out and purchased the book "Scream Free Parenting" book in hopes of it helping me to not get to the point of wanting to explode. The problem is that we handle things fine for a few hours, maybe even a few days, but we get to a point that we can't handle it anymore. And you're right about us wanting to give them so much...already my 7 year old's acitivity and social schedule is what runs our family schedule. I don't even want to imagine it when all three are involved. Bottom line is that we are good moms. I know this because we are writing about it and worrying about it. It's because we are trying our best and that is all we can do. Hugs to you from a fellow mom that has had those same kinds of days. Can't wait till my kids are old enough so I can lock myself in my room. :o)
Everyone has those days. I have them. There is nothing wrong with letting your kids see you get angry. That's life. You're human. Besides, seeing angry authority figures prepares them well for the rest of their lives...
Dee Thompson, mom to two and author of Jack's New Family, Adopting Alesia, and the popular, often humorous blog, The Crab Chronicles -
http://deescribbler.typepad.com/my_weblog/.
e all seem to fall into the same parenting traps, making the mistakes of our parents despite our promises to ourselves that we will do better—and differently.
So frustant as true.