it seemed like a good idea
CK posted 11 weeks 20 hours ago —
Teaching you how to dress yourself seemed like a good idea.
Until you undressed in the pharmacy while I secretly tried to study the Anusol cream. I knocked several boxes to the floor while reaching for your bare arm. Secret’s out. Thanks.
Giving a crying baby a pacifier seemed like a good idea.
Until she turned two and strangers found it impossible to mind their business. And instead of keeping their traps shut and reveling in the quiet for which I’d sold my soul, they found it necessary to share the downsides of pacifier sucking. Guess what, a**holes? I KNOW. PS: Her father and I had sh*tty teeth. She was going to need serious dental work anyway.
Changing a toddler’s diaper seemed like a good idea.
Until she threw a tantrum mid-wipe, smacked her heel in poo, splattered it on the wall and then flipped over to crawl away while I tried to clean it. Hope she enjoyed the impromptu after-nap nap as much as I did.
Grabbing the toy car from your sister (that neither of you liked anyway) seemed like a good idea.
Until she yanked it back and swung it at your head. You didn’t know about her aim, did you?
Ignoring me and jumping on the top bunk of your bed seemed like a good idea.
Until your head made contact with the ceiling, as I suggested would happen. On the upside, the bang seemed to have scared the mice…
Water-skiing your sister around the house in socks seemed like a good idea.
Until she let go of your shirt and you both landed on your faces.
Letting the two of you play alone on the porch seemed like a good idea.
Until your sister wandered back out covered in greasy healing ointment. I’m glad you “healed” her. Thanks.
Pretending you were sick so that the school would call me to pick you up seemed like a good idea.
Until you returned home, got caught lying and were then forced to spend the rest of the day continuing to pretend you were as sick as you said you were. Hope you enjoyed that 3 hour nap, no TV and no sweets as much as I did.
Having a kid seemed like a good idea.
Until about three weeks after I gave birth and found myself trolling the pharmacy for Anusol. Oh it was fun to silently mock old ladies who purchased it, but I was in my 20’s. Surely it would go away by the time I hit 30…
Surely motherhood would get easier…
Surely the pains in my ass would not personify into the little people I’d eventually share my life with…
Surely…
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©2009 CEK. All Rights Reserved. Touch my stuff and I’m telling everyone that the Anusol was for you.
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