baking the damn cake and watching my husband eat it

MamaRose posted 50 weeks 11 hours ago — Speaking of cake (see yesterday's entry)....why is it that more often than not, men can have their cake and eat it too, but their wives only get to bake the damn cake.

Point in case....every time we go to a gathering or have one my husband gets to smoke, drink, carry on adult conversation, roam around, and have a jolly good time connecting with his friends, while I'm left to feed, comfort and entertain the baby. (Because let's face it, every gathering we've been to involves his friends).

This is not what I signed up for.

I am very much for equality in a partnership, hence the word "partnership". Unfortunately I married a Greek man who grew up with the image of a mother who had no life of her own (i.e. outside interess) and who spent every waking minute of her life catering to her husband and five sons. This is the norm in Greece. Maybe not so much anymore in the big cities and islands, but in the small villages the mentality has stayed the same.

Mind you it's not his fault this is the influence he was brought up believing in. And he does try to see things my way, some of the time.

I bring this up now because last night a group of his friends and their mates came over for cigars and drinks and as usual I was left to tend to baby. I should have been more than happy to do this, afterall I'd taken my first yoga class that afternoon - finally some time of my own to do something I enjoyed. But here's the thing, he went to watch a soccer game with a friend, and without asking me if it was okay he started making plans for the evening. He tells me, not asks me about it.

And you know what, I wouldn't have an issue with any of this if he encouraged me to have my friends over, or said to me on occasion, "Let's rent a car and go to Boston to see some of your friends and family." It wouldn't piss me off as much as it does if he didn't try to keep me from seeing my friends, or even worse cause trouble every time I have one over to the point that I can't enjoy myself.

I don't do this to him. (I'm bitching and moaning again, I know, but I gotta get it out.)

So you can imagine how irritated I was when last night my husband, in front of all his guy friends said, "Hey the guys want me to get together for cigars tomorrow night."

I can't imagine what his friends must think of me, and I don't fucking care. "NO way," I said. "Not cool."

I wanted to explain to his friends that I hadn't gone out one night since being pregnant and having the baby, but one of the guys cut me off and was like, "It's going to be an early night, we're starting at seven o'clock."

So then later I'm bitching to one of their girlfriends and she tells me, "Yeah they're going in to the city, I don't know where."

Over my dead body.

The topic of "going into the city" is a sore one for me. My husband doesn't ever encourage me to do anything at night, never mind go into the city. I have said this before and I'm saying it again, I don't leave him alone at night with the baby, but he has no problem doing it to me.

This is going to change.

This morning I told him that if he didn't start encouraging me to see friends, or go out at night on occasion, then his nightly outtings were going to have to come to a stand still.

It's not fair. I find myself saying this to him, to myself, to you my dear readers, over and over again like a broken record. I wish I didn't constantly find myself weighing the equality of this relationship and finding that the scales tip in his favor.

When I took my yoga class, I was there before the class started and met a very nice woman with a round cheerful face and matronly figure. I found myself confiding in her as we stretched to prepare our bodies for class. I told her I'd waited a long time to take the class. I told her my husband was always doing things he enjoyed but that I had to work hard just to get to thr class.

"Stick to your guns," she told me. "Don't let so much time pass before you do something else for yourself or it will be that much harder the next time. Men are selfish."

I knew she spoke from experience. Turns out she raised three boys.

You always hear about how difficult the first year of marriage is, but that's nothing compared to the first year with a baby.

I can remember when I was about seven months pregnant, sitting down at the kitchen table with my husband, sobbing because I had read an article about the high percentage of couples who end up divorced after the first year with a baby. I told my husband I was scared it was going to happen to us. He assured me it would not.

Then things were different. We had, after a couple of years together, just started to find a balance in the relationship. My husband would go for coffee with his friends and instead of me sitting at home feeling sorry for myself I would go to the gym. It made me feel so good to be able to do something for myself that I enjoyed, while he too was doing something he enjoyed with his time. I no longer have that option.

Don't get me wrong, I love motherhood. In fact a lot of times I find I'd much rather spend time with my son than do something for myself just for the sake of being able to say I did something for myself. Do you know what I mean. But there has to be a balance. I guess that's the word of the day.

Balance.

I just went and checked on my son who has been sleeping two hours now. There is nothing more beautiful than the sight of a baby sleeping, especially when that baby is yours! It's on a whole other level than other things you find beautiful. Nothing can compare to it really.

It's raining again here. I don't mind the rain at all. In fact I prefer it most of the time. I probably should move to Seattle. Beautiful city.