A cunning linguist or?????
elaineggc posted 4 weeks 1 day ago —
E,
I realize you don’t approve of me dating Trey for a number of reasons (his name being the number-one reason). But just for today, I want you to ignore all of your concerns and actually focus on what I’m saying and on providing the advice I need from you.
I know your judgmental ass finds it difficult to avoid discussing Trey’s housing situation, daily alcohol intake, employment status, artistic aspirations and limited reading abilities. But if you’re the friend you claim to be, you’ll ignore those issues and focus on the issue at hand: Trey’s sexual interests are very narrow. Basically, he enjoys one thing and one thing only: cunnilingus, a.k.a. muff diving, going down on me, orally exploring the Bermuda triangle, etc. THAT’S IT!
That’s all he wants to do.
This morning he came over to drink beer and watch football. I shit you not when I tell you that he went down on me for TWO HOURS. TWO HOURS, ELAINE! And I couldn’t even reach the Promised Land. It was daylight and I was hung over and totally not into it. I just wanted to have intercourse. I tried “the tap.” I tried EVERYTHING! I finally screamed at him to stop. He was insulted and told me I hurt his feelings and that he’s never met a woman opposed to him going down on her. I told him that I was fine with oral sex but also wanted to do other things and straight up asked “why do we never have sex? Why do you only go down on me?”
He got pissed and left my house.
I like this guy, but am wondering why he never wants to have sex. And sure, once in a while oral is fine, but come on. If I’m not going to come in two hours, I’M NOT GOING TO COME!
Sarah,
Two words: broken cock. That’s right my friend, little Trey has a broken cock.
Did you ever see the movie Born on the Fourth of July? Remember the paralyzed dude played by Willem Dafoe? He was paralyzed and couldn’t have intercourse. What did he do? He gave head to hookers. It was ALL HE COULD DO! So, of course he claimed to love it. Men (even men who enjoy going downtown) enjoy fucking more. I can’t even imagine the awkwardness of having a guy being down in my vagina for two hours. I can almost drive to Seattle in two hours. That’s just weird. And how you could keep going for two hours without stopping him is beyond me. I don’t even need to get into Trey’s name or lack of employment – Trey’s cock is broke (that sounds like a rap song, doesn’t it?).
It’s time to say bye-bye to Trey and his hyperactive tongue.
Elaine
